It’s been quite awhile since my last update or post. A lot has happened in my life in the past year. Some good, some bad, but I was totally zapped of my drive to use my platform and thus, the blog suffered.
I started a new job a year ago in the health care field. Entry level, nothing crazy, but I really enjoyed it. It had a fast pace and great people, so it was easy to fit in quickly. It was a huge adjustment from working retail hours to working Monday - Friday (while continuing on at my other job until January of this year), but after cutting down my hours from 20/wk to 4 (to do paperwork) I started to feel like I had a life again.
Also, about a year ago, my 11 year relationship ended. I was blindsided and truthfully, heartbroken to the point I stopped living my life. I felt lost, like my best friend had died. It was truly something I never wish upon my worst enemy. The pain is still there, but the anger from being lied to has tamped it down a bit. It’s taken me nearly a year to come to terms with the fact that I will never get to speak to my best friend again, that he wants nothing to do with me. I guess thats okay, and I unfortunately have to live with that. But it’s pierced me pretty deeply.
The relationship ending has had me second guessing everything and everyone in my life. I tried reaching out to people only to be told to “get over it” and “thats too bad”. This really didn’t help. I must admit, the people that were there for me, were truly wonderful. When I didn’t feel like moving from my bed (like my birthday - the week I got dumped), they made me and they didn’t make a big deal out of the fact that I cried in the restaurant. And those that weren’t close enough to see me in person, talked me through the worst days of my life. I will never be able to repay that kindness, but I’ll try my best. There are some people that I stopped trying to talk to because I met through my ex and didn’t want to put them in a weird place. I should never have done that, when you know people over a decade, they shouldn’t have to choose sides. Our friends here would still talk to him if he didn’t cut them all out along with me.
I will never tell the details of our breakup here, because obviously we did something wrong along the way and didn’t communicate together enough. BUT, I will say it absolutely destroyed my faith in love and trust - I hope that changes, but that’s all I will say for now.
I began taking medication to ease my anxiety, which seemed to burst out of control while all this happened. It’s helped me to level out, but I’m not yet myself. I have a lot of trouble sleeping through the night now, but I suppose you take the good with the bad, and at least I’m not crying myself to sleep every night anymore.
There is more good to 2018 though. My brother and I got closer. We took our first trip together. We chose Portland and Seattle. Both places I’ve been before, but knew my brother would love (also, the craft beer scene is INSANE there and well, that’s an obvious reason why I wanted to go). We saw everything, ate tons of great food and even took in a Mariners game in Seattle. It was such a great experience to spend time and get to know my quiet, little brother (he’s 33 and nearly 6ft tall - not so little). I can’t wait to plan our next trip. We’re thinking San Francisco and down to LA to take in more baseball games along the way.
My friends had their second baby in 2018, the love bug is just perfect. She’s sweet and smart and so strong. I can’t wait to see her grow up.
Back in 2016 I had some testing done and was told it was likely I had/ would develop cervical cancer. I tried to pass it off like it was nothing, telling friends it wasn’t as serious as the doctors led me to believe. I had 4 retrievals done of tissue for testing. I had 2 cone biopsies and a large chunk of my cervix removed. I found out in February of 2018 that I was officially free of all cancerous cells.
So yeah, 2018 was a mess of good times and bad. You can’t change the past, just grow up and move on.
This year I start a new role in my company, and it’s going to be a wild, interesting ride. I love that there are opportunities to grow in this new field I’m in and I can’t wait to see what comes next.
All and all, I apologize for being MIA, I was privately dealing with some changes in my life, but I plan on sharing more openly now.